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Posts Tagged ‘the total tranformation’

Let’s face it! Parenting is definitely not an easy job.Especially if your child has behavioral problems. Most parents tried hard to change their child but ends up frustrated due to a lack in results. It is vital to understand that we cannot change our kid’s behavior until we are able to teach them the skills they need to be accountable for their behaviors.

Here are 10 points that i would like to share with you. Hopefully you will find it less stressful whenever your child is getting on your nerves. These are mere extracts of the total 27 tools in one of the lesson, that you will find in The Total Transformation Program by James Lehman.

1) Use direct statements

You need to be firm, clear and direct when you are dealing with a child’s bad behavior. Do not give rooms for negotiation. This will only give a child leeway for future misbehaviors.

2) Stop the show

If you find that your child is misbehaving badly or exhibiting tantrums, say in a public place, then stop whatever programs that you’ve planned for the day and go home. I know this can be tough, especially when you have already planned for the day. But if your child is misbehaving, he needs to know that there isn’t any “exciting” activities for the rest of the day unless he stops his bad behavior.

3) Use consequences to get honesty

Take lying for example. If your child is telling lies, you need to give him some consequences for his action. Turning a blind eye will only goes to tell your child that its ok to lie.

4) Be clear about your values

Communicate to your kids about your family values. It’s always easy for a child to understand values if this is ingrain into them at an early age. Start early. If your child has grown past his toddler years, don’t give up. It’s still not too late. A child will learn by observing you. Do not just talk about values, show them how you embrace those values as well.

5) Identify Thinking Errors and Excuses

How many times has your child come up with excuses to justify his bad behavior ? Don’t argue over those excuses. Focus on the processes of their excuse, NOT their excuses!

6) Use Single-Issue Focus

Keep focus on the issue. Always address unrelated subjects at a later time.

7) Cueing

This is the single most effective method that I have used on my kids. Try ways to establish cues with your child. This can be very helpful if you are in a public place and a stare at him and communicate the message that he is in trouble if he continues misbehaving.

Use strategic recognition and affection

Give your kid credit when he does something right. Let him know that you recognize his efforts.

9) Give basic direction

I know this sounds simple. But sometimes we parents forget that our kids are still kids and that they need basic instructions for certain tasks. Lead and guide them by showing them the right way to do certain tasks.

10) Demand and expect compliance

Parents need to know why their kid has to comply. Compliance is not submission without an understanding of why. Parents will need to understand why they want their child to be compliant. Is it just out of anger? Or you want certain truths and values to be imparted to your child.